If you have stumbled upon this blog, you are likely my immediate family (Hi mom). If you are one of the three people outside my family who find my work mildly entertaining or useful, welcome. For the haters out there, you will have plenty of opportunities to disagree with my thoughts. I've always enjoyed a good argument.
There are three reasons I decided to start this blog, concert reviews, album reviews, and music news from the grand old city of Portland, Oregon. I will delve into each of these three reasons, but first, let me give you a bit of background on myself.
I am an asshole. Although I am an asshole, I recently discovered I enjoy writing, thus the blog. So here is what to expect:
1. Concert Reviews: I go to a lot of concerts in the Portland area, and experience a lot to be experienced, and redundantly type words redundantly. My opinion is the imagination is approximately 32 times more interesting than random YouTube clips with poor audio quality, shot by someone going through whiskey withdrawals. Remember when people read books, and talked about how much the movie version of the book sucked? Well that is not a good analogy, but I typed it anyway. If I know a band's material enough to attempt a set list, I will include those in my reviews.
2. Album Reviews: I'll occasionally write album reviews, if I feel I have something to say about an album. I'm not going to review every album hitting the market, mostly because I have a real job. My reviews will be albums you own as well, or will own, but my writing style will be a bit different than typical reviews. For example, I won't be making you look up seldom used words, because English is a tricky language, and vocabulary is not my strength. I also won't fill paragraphs with emotionally driven pretentious rubble that will bore the hell out of you. I won't be showing off my amazing writing skills, because I am a terrible writer who would rather attempt to be entertaining.
3. Portland Music News: This will comprise the bulk of the posts, because there is Portland music news daily, and it only takes a minute to relay the information. The news will initially include acts announcing future shows, when they go on sale, which venue they are playing, ticket prices, etc. Yes, it seems like common knowledge to the few of us who scour the Internets daily, but you'll be kicking yourself when you find out Arcade Fire sold out in fourteen minutes before you knew they were touring. I follow most types of music that don't involve a cowboy hat or bubble gum, so don't expect any posts about the Jonas Brothers hitting puberty, or Toby Keith learning to play an instrument.
With that said, I know what some of you are thinking, "why the fuck would I want to waste my time reading a Portland music blog when I live in Boise, Idaho?" Because people in Boise are really boring.
I didn't create this blog because I feel the need to share musical wisdom, or to promote my band, or to keep my friends informed of upcoming shows. The real reason for this blog is to get women, preferably 23-31 years of age with a tramp stamp tattoo, unnatural jet black hair (red/purple/orange will work), and a fondness for getting way too drunk to maintain moral standards.
Welcome, and feel free to reiterate how much of an asshole you think I am. If you are internet shy, or have a tramp stamp, I welcome your smack/kind words/feedback at my extremely original email address, email@example.com.